In 10 days I am getting married. I never in a million years saw this one coming and thank God I didn't because this was the best surprise that He has bestowed upon me. I am so grateful for finally knowing exactly what it feels like to love and be loved unconditionally in return. I am grateful for knowing what it is like to find a friend in my partner. I find the circumstances that led Joseph and I to be together quite comical. When we first met in September I put him in the friend file. Neither of us were really looking for anything at the time and because he never made a move and was very careful about respecting me and my space I was sure that nothing except for friendship would happen between us. I kept hoping that it would change but after a couple of months I let it go. So much so that I even started wearing my baggie old ratty sweats and stopped wearing makeup around the house when he would come by after work to have a couple of beers and discuss evolution or help me with my math problems. How he ever found me attractive through that, I do not know. Seriously guys, I looked like a career college kid with a 7:30 am class. You know, the kind that roll out of bed, tie their hair up in a knot and wander into class? That was me. Yet somehow, through even that, he found me attractive and kissed me in the living room one night when I least expected it. 10 months later, I still look like a career college kid every day after work, he still kisses me in the living room, and we still argue over evolution and math but he's moved out of my friend file and into my forever file. Holy macaroni, that last sentence was lame. Just forget you read that. Apparently marrying your soul mate makes you mushy as hell.
This is probably something that I should not bring up but I am an open book who can not help but share my thoughts and feelings. The other night I was watching my sweet fiance doze off on the couch and I began to think back to my previous marriage. I know now that the feelings that I had then were always a warning sign. I always knew in the back of my mind that there was something that was not right and I did my best to suppress that thought, trying to make it work. When I look at the man I am fixing to build this new life with though, I do not worry about what will happen, all I see is the future that we will have together. The best lessons that I ever learned were lessons I learned from my previous marriage and I am truly grateful for learning those lessons so that I can be the person that Joseph needs to me, the person that I need to be. It is truly amazing to me the things that life teaches us along the way. I no longer regret any of the things that brought me to where I am today because those things are what put me on this road.
My father has spent a lot of time over the last eight years lecturing me about the way I should do certain things. Even though I have always taken in and appreciated his words, I am glad that I put myself in the position I did to learn all of my lessons the hard way and my way. I hope that the things I have learned will make me into a better wife and friend to my soon to be husband.