I've become a hermit and also I hate pants now. Is that weird?

Nesting is definitely in full force, Lord help my husband. I have developed this strange thing about leaving the house, I hate it and I can't not stop reading disturbing post birth "what they don't tell you" articles off of pinterest. Seriously y'all... are you aware of what happens after a natural birth? You know what... if you aren't don't even look it up, it's sounds like it would be better to go into blindly. I am not even worried about giving birth now, it sounds like that part is going to be the easy part. Once again, Lord help my husband, he is going to have two babies to deal with. You know, it's a good thing I married the man I did because I'll be honest, bodily functions, bodily anything really, gross me out. It's something I believe I inherited from my mother, you mention the F word (and I am not talking about the F.U.C.K. word. Also I spelt it out so that makes it ok) around her and your are going to get the sky pulled down on you.

Also, I have developed this strange hatred of pants lately. Is that weird? The most uncomfortable thing in the entire world to me is pants and I mean all pants in general. Shorts, sweats, jeans, I pretty much hate them all and I really really hate this stretchy belly band crap they put on maternity pants. I mean, I guess I see the purpose of it but when is someone going to invent them in short fat girl sizes? Seriously... My belly, even though it looks big on a person of my size, it's really not in maternity pant terms. What I am trying to say is... when you can pull that stretchy part up to your chest, it's more than serving it's purpose. And wow... has anyone else noticed how freaking hot maternity clothes are? I mean, here I am in the 102 degree desert with my stretchy shorts with a non-breathable belly thingamajiger and a shirt on top of that. As if summer wasn't hellish enough already. For the record though I do wear skirts now, as much as they are against my very nature, in case you had this vision of a short, little, fat pregnant girl running around pant-less in your head. Anyways, I think I should start designing maternity clothes for people close to my size after this.

7ish more weeks until we meet baby Reeves. Eek! So ready!

Preparing the troops

I've always worried about what it is going to be like for the fuzzies on the day that we bring a new baby home. Well that day will soon be approaching and I have been reading up and working on how to prepare  them for that day. It may sound crazy to some but, my fuzzies are just as much a part of our family as we are and obviously they are going to be spending as much time around the baby as I am. Especially being as how both dogs sleep next to our bed and are my great protectors during the day.

1. The Two Great Protectors-

I have been convinced that the dogs know something is up since early on in my pregnancy and I say this because of the level of aggression these two have suddenly developed towards strangers if I am home alone. If someone knocks on our door before I can get them outside, forget it, they are going to be eaten if I open that door because they make sure to body block me from the other person. I am interested to see if they continue to react this way when Reeves gets here. I have read that little can be done to stop this and that it is their natural instinct to protect expectant owners.

2. Baby Cries-
 I started looking up baby crying videos on youtube so that I could watch them react to the sound. Murphy could careless, Ti listens and DaBear panicks. I am afraid we may not see the cat for awhile. He absolutely does not enjoy baby noises.

3. Baby Smells-
Both of my dogs are scavengers, they go through EVERYTHING! I bring a bag home from the store and both of them will have their heads inside of it before I can turn around. It's been worse with baby stuff, Ti not only has to smell but taste everything we come home with. I am tired of washing stuff but so far they have been ok with everything.

4.Baby Toys-
The fight against Ti has already begun. He loves to sneak into Reeves' room and pluck a stuffed animal out of the basket when I am not paying attention. I have no idea how to break him of this. I have tried getting on to him, hiding toys, you name it, he still drags them out. I'm worried one day he is going to discover binkies.

5. The Nursery-
I have been super crazy lately about not wanting the cat to be familiar with the nursery and I have gotten back into the habit of locking him out of our room at night. The dogs love to go in and sleep at the foot of his crib during the day while I am in there but I freak whenever I see DaBear slinking in around the corner. I have read a million horror stories lately and I feel a little guilty for excluding him from the group but I can't help it. Poor Bear Cat. :(

Goodbye wild and crazy past, hello diapers, onesies, and stretch marks.

I've made it to the home stretch, and I am not talking about those nasty little red lines all over what I use to think were acceptable thighs or boobs. We'll get to those in a little bit and yes, I did just tell you that I now have stretch marks on my boobs. Along with patience you also lose most of your modesty during pregnancy, not that I had a whole lot of that to begin with. (Also, I just got this vision of my mother reading this and her saying out loud something like... "yeah but you still refuse to let me in the delivery room when the time comes." Sorry Momzy, in that moment I may not care who sees me delivering a watermelon but I'm sure a couple of days afterwards the reality of it will sink in. Some parts of a person's body should only be seen by the person who help put them in that condition. Just Saying)

Anyways... the purpose of this blog was to tell you that I am getting closer and closer to the end every day now and THANK YOU BABY JESUS for that because holy macaroni y'all... I might be one of the moodiest, most swollen, irritated, uncomfortable, about to tear my own spine out craziest pregnant women I've ever known. I am so tired of the, "worth it" and "well at least" speech. I totally get that it's all worth it and I am sure it could be worse, I don't even want to imagine how it could be. I have always known I wanted to be a mother but let's be honest here, MAKING A PERSON IS HARD WORK and everyone has a different experience.  I haven't slept a full night in WEEKS, I have to schedule outings very carefully because my left leg stays numb 100% of the time and to long on my feet sends a shooting pain up my spine, my back is KILLING me and I know if I feel the stress (which usually causes a couple of contractions) then I know my kid has got to feel it, and my feet only fit in shoes two sizes bigger than my normal size or in my two pair of Columbia Drainmakers. (Thank God for Columbia! Seriously guys, Columbia drainmakers are the best! I discovered them last year on my honeymoon and now I am convinced they were secretly designed for pregnant women. I normally use them to fly fish because they have drains so the water doesn't get trapped in your shoe and they are made out of this great light weight material that breathes really well. Which means swollen pregnant feet stay cool! Plus they are pretty wide, more room to swell in)

It is a strange thing to find yourself in this position. I thought before this I had a few more years of doing the things I did best. You know, running a muck, drinking ice cold beer, traveling around with my handsome husband killing stuff. (By stuff I mean animals that are in season to all you greenies that stumbled upon this blog by accident. I should worn you now, we are hunters and there are probably pictures of dead animals that we harvested on this blog. Just Saying. Also, I'm only adding this in because some "anonymous" dumbass recently left me a cute comment about how I shouldn't hunt or fish for poor defenseless animals. Umm... at least I know what's on my plate. Can you tell me what preservatives are in/on the foods you are eating?) Back to my point, it's a funny thing how I went from putting an outfit together in my head all week for Saturday night to day dreaming about what his nursery will look like when I am finished with it. And going out, sheesh, I hate leaving my house now. I would rather spend all day and night in my house. I don't like to even go into my front yard because I honestly have no interest in seeing anyone for the most part. My friends call and ask if I want to do something and I'd rather stay home and sew something or nap then leave my drive way. BUT, even though I am becoming a fat, grouchy, hermit, I am completely excited about meeting my son. It's a strange feeling when you suddenly realize that you love someone more than you could possibly love anything else (next to your spouse of course). It's a different kind of over protective, I'll kill you if you talk crap about my kid or look at him wrong kind of love. He is not even here yet and I do this weird thing  when I walk into a place... I examine the room, look to see who is there and develop a million different scenarios and escape plans in case anyone/thing could try to come at me and hurt my precious little bump. I also have taken inventory of every weapon or item that could be used as a weapon in my home just in case anyone ever tried to break into my house. Not to mention my greatest weapons have become over protective, bitey little individuals. Ti and Murph stay as close as possible to me all the time now, I am convinced they know.

Anyways... that is enough for tonight. I had this whole ending planned up but holy shit y'all I am tired! More crazy rants from the hormone driven lunatic later.

Sacrifices

So I have been thinking about this child raising business a lot lately and basically I feel awful because I am afraid my kid is going to miss out on the lifestyle I grew up with. So this past weekend I was talking to my supervisor at work and she was telling me about the things she wished she had when she was a kid, like horses for example. I've been thinking about this for awhile but that moment really kind of drove it home for me. I realize now that I took my childhood for granted and it makes me sad that my kids will not grow up with the wide open spaces that I grew up with. Are my kids going to know what it's like having their Dad teach them to drive in an old 64' Chevy passed down from their great granddad on a ranch road? Or what it's like to lay awake all night listening to coyotes howl on the ridge behind the house? Or remember things like bouncing around in a feed wagon all morning helping Dad count cows and look for new fresh baldy face babies? It is really disheartening when you began to realize that way of life is basically unattainable now unless you want to be a broke cowboy working for a rich man that sees all of that as a hobby. I have this urge lately to go home to the mountains and get into my old  black pickup and just go for a cruise in the mountains the way we did when we were kids with Mom and Dad. (Tommy Dad) I know that my kids will have hunting, fishing, and camping trips, obviously, but it's sad that they won't know that you can do things like that everyday. We use to get up on Sunday mornings and Dad would tell us we were going to go for a cruise and then we would spend all day exploring the Capitan's or goofing around in Bonito. Then it came  time for me to drive and there was a whole summer that I spent in and around the Capitan Gap every single day with my best friend. Ugh!, it's just very frustrating to me that you can't have a career and live in the country all at the same time, you have to have one or the other and I don't want to sacrifice my kid's childhood.

10 First Trimester Rants

Soon I will be entering the second trimester... here is what I have learned, decided, pretty much the things that I need to vent about concerning the first trimester.


1. I miss my clothes and my boots. Every time I put on the peacock boots that I love so much, my feet immediately swell and I cry inside.

2. I swear after this is said and done I am going to pay more attention to excersize and eating healthy because parts of my body are becoming invisible to me already from certain angles when I sit or stand and that freaks me out. I thought I'd be cool with it but nope... not cool with that.

3. Pregnancy isn't for everyone, especially people who love margaritas.

4. I love margaritas.

5. 2 kids seems like the perfect number for me.

6. Yep, my back still sucks and it seems to remind me more everyday. I use to have my back pain mentally blocked out but it's front and center these days.

7. If one more person has this conversation with me I will punch them: Person: how are you feeling? Me. Tired, grouchy, I want a nap but everything is good. Person: The fatigue will go away, it's ALL WORTH IT! ....Umm yes, I know it's worth it. In September I will be a mother, I've always wanted to be a mother, I don't need you to remind me of that right now. Maybe I like babies and not so much the first trimester of pregnancy. Shit!

8. I do not understand why new baby = mini van. For some reason people keep asking, "So, are you getting rid of your truck and getting a car?" Dude... First of all... crazy back condition, lifting a car seat up into my pickup is easier than bending down to put a baby in a car. I even tested this theory recently with a friend's kid. Second, just no. I love the truck, waited  years for the truck, probably going to drive the truck till the wheels fall off because... well because our president sucks and I give all my money to the government.

9. I think I live in my bathroom more than any other room in my house. Let's be honest, you are either contemplating throwing up or just how bad you need to pee 85% of the time. The rest of the time you're probably in the shower because your skin is suddenly super oily and sweating now happens at all temperatures.

10. I miss food. All I want to eat is fruit and sweets. Red meat tastes like metallic blood and when I see a big nice steak my stomach flips and then flops... and I die inside a little. Also...food just sucks. period. All of these preservatives make me feel worse.

It's all fun & games until someone falls asleep mid sentence

I gave this blog that ^ name because that very thing almost happened to me this weekend... at work... in front of my boss. Yep. Ridiculous.
So... the morning sickness has yet to go away. It's less intense these days but it's still here. In it's place however is fatigue. When I say fatigue I mean grueling, can't think, can't speak, just want to lay down for a couple of years fatigue. How on earth do women do this after they have already had a couple of children? Or even just one? Where on earth do they find the time for a nap or even just to sit down for a couple of moments?
Today I made myself push through the fatigue for awhile, went to class, got some grocery shopping done, put together some freezer crock pot meals, cooked dinner, watched a documentary for school, watched TV with the husband and now here I am. I am super tired, I don't even know why I am writing this. I think it's because I am so tired that I can't sleep. This is probably just a bunch of mindless rambling.
I did however learn one very important lesson today! I know how to save money on groceries now! Wanna know the secret? Ok, I will tell you. The secret is.....DO NOT  take your husband grocery shopping with you. I spent $81.34, prepared and  put 12 crock pot freezer meals in the freezer, 16 homemade breakfast burritos and 16 lunch burritos in the freezer, bought a gallon of milk, cereal, and I still have a bunch more freezer meals to make tomorrow. Amazing! Plus it took me 30 minutes to gather up this stuff at the store. With the husband, a shopping trip could take hours. Husband: I need chips. Me: They aren't on the list, I didn't budget that in. Husband: So? Me: Nope. Should have put them on the list when I said, "Husband is there anything you want on the list?" ... Ten minutes later we are still arguing over chips.
Anyways, I am now so tired that I may fall asleep mid sentence again and I keep having to fix my spelling which means I am not with it. Goodnight all! Love, V and Mini V

My Newest Journey

Hello fellow bloggers, followers, friends, and stalkers. I only add the stalker part because it's been a while since I logged on and when I logged on today I found a few new messages that were a little... weird. Unfortanelty they were not worth anyone's time so I deleted them and now I am forgetting them in 3...2...1.

So, if we are Facebook friends then you have probably read the news....

Yes, it is true, we are expanding. Or at least I am, out of every pair of Cruel Girl and Calvin Klein jeans I own. I'm all Nacho Libre these days in my strettccchy pants. Also, for the record, the hair tie trick is not as dependable as one would think, the term "morning sickness" is ludicrous, (Originally I spelled that like this- Ludacris. Shit. Thanks a heap Pop culture for ruining me.) I am not sure if I am actually resting while I sleep anymore, and no matter how much you love your spouse you dislike him a lot at 3 o'clock in the morning while you are camping out in the bathroom with a bottle of tums praying that you are going to keep down that bottle of water and he is sleeping so peacefully in bed that you can hear him snoring 15 feet away through cinder block walls. I'm just being honest.

Anyways, the point of this blog is to warn you. I have been reading up on all this pregnancy, child raising stuff and so far it's been all butterflies and lolli pops but trust me when I tell you that it's not. Not that I'm not enjoying being pregnant, there are some awesome advantages but Holy Macaroni y'all let's be honest here. So for the next 30 weeks I plan on sharing this journey and I'm not leaving out how I really think or feel or whatever because, I'm an open book like that.