Goodbye wild and crazy past, hello diapers, onesies, and stretch marks.

I've made it to the home stretch, and I am not talking about those nasty little red lines all over what I use to think were acceptable thighs or boobs. We'll get to those in a little bit and yes, I did just tell you that I now have stretch marks on my boobs. Along with patience you also lose most of your modesty during pregnancy, not that I had a whole lot of that to begin with. (Also, I just got this vision of my mother reading this and her saying out loud something like... "yeah but you still refuse to let me in the delivery room when the time comes." Sorry Momzy, in that moment I may not care who sees me delivering a watermelon but I'm sure a couple of days afterwards the reality of it will sink in. Some parts of a person's body should only be seen by the person who help put them in that condition. Just Saying)

Anyways... the purpose of this blog was to tell you that I am getting closer and closer to the end every day now and THANK YOU BABY JESUS for that because holy macaroni y'all... I might be one of the moodiest, most swollen, irritated, uncomfortable, about to tear my own spine out craziest pregnant women I've ever known. I am so tired of the, "worth it" and "well at least" speech. I totally get that it's all worth it and I am sure it could be worse, I don't even want to imagine how it could be. I have always known I wanted to be a mother but let's be honest here, MAKING A PERSON IS HARD WORK and everyone has a different experience.  I haven't slept a full night in WEEKS, I have to schedule outings very carefully because my left leg stays numb 100% of the time and to long on my feet sends a shooting pain up my spine, my back is KILLING me and I know if I feel the stress (which usually causes a couple of contractions) then I know my kid has got to feel it, and my feet only fit in shoes two sizes bigger than my normal size or in my two pair of Columbia Drainmakers. (Thank God for Columbia! Seriously guys, Columbia drainmakers are the best! I discovered them last year on my honeymoon and now I am convinced they were secretly designed for pregnant women. I normally use them to fly fish because they have drains so the water doesn't get trapped in your shoe and they are made out of this great light weight material that breathes really well. Which means swollen pregnant feet stay cool! Plus they are pretty wide, more room to swell in)

It is a strange thing to find yourself in this position. I thought before this I had a few more years of doing the things I did best. You know, running a muck, drinking ice cold beer, traveling around with my handsome husband killing stuff. (By stuff I mean animals that are in season to all you greenies that stumbled upon this blog by accident. I should worn you now, we are hunters and there are probably pictures of dead animals that we harvested on this blog. Just Saying. Also, I'm only adding this in because some "anonymous" dumbass recently left me a cute comment about how I shouldn't hunt or fish for poor defenseless animals. Umm... at least I know what's on my plate. Can you tell me what preservatives are in/on the foods you are eating?) Back to my point, it's a funny thing how I went from putting an outfit together in my head all week for Saturday night to day dreaming about what his nursery will look like when I am finished with it. And going out, sheesh, I hate leaving my house now. I would rather spend all day and night in my house. I don't like to even go into my front yard because I honestly have no interest in seeing anyone for the most part. My friends call and ask if I want to do something and I'd rather stay home and sew something or nap then leave my drive way. BUT, even though I am becoming a fat, grouchy, hermit, I am completely excited about meeting my son. It's a strange feeling when you suddenly realize that you love someone more than you could possibly love anything else (next to your spouse of course). It's a different kind of over protective, I'll kill you if you talk crap about my kid or look at him wrong kind of love. He is not even here yet and I do this weird thing  when I walk into a place... I examine the room, look to see who is there and develop a million different scenarios and escape plans in case anyone/thing could try to come at me and hurt my precious little bump. I also have taken inventory of every weapon or item that could be used as a weapon in my home just in case anyone ever tried to break into my house. Not to mention my greatest weapons have become over protective, bitey little individuals. Ti and Murph stay as close as possible to me all the time now, I am convinced they know.

Anyways... that is enough for tonight. I had this whole ending planned up but holy shit y'all I am tired! More crazy rants from the hormone driven lunatic later.

Sacrifices

So I have been thinking about this child raising business a lot lately and basically I feel awful because I am afraid my kid is going to miss out on the lifestyle I grew up with. So this past weekend I was talking to my supervisor at work and she was telling me about the things she wished she had when she was a kid, like horses for example. I've been thinking about this for awhile but that moment really kind of drove it home for me. I realize now that I took my childhood for granted and it makes me sad that my kids will not grow up with the wide open spaces that I grew up with. Are my kids going to know what it's like having their Dad teach them to drive in an old 64' Chevy passed down from their great granddad on a ranch road? Or what it's like to lay awake all night listening to coyotes howl on the ridge behind the house? Or remember things like bouncing around in a feed wagon all morning helping Dad count cows and look for new fresh baldy face babies? It is really disheartening when you began to realize that way of life is basically unattainable now unless you want to be a broke cowboy working for a rich man that sees all of that as a hobby. I have this urge lately to go home to the mountains and get into my old  black pickup and just go for a cruise in the mountains the way we did when we were kids with Mom and Dad. (Tommy Dad) I know that my kids will have hunting, fishing, and camping trips, obviously, but it's sad that they won't know that you can do things like that everyday. We use to get up on Sunday mornings and Dad would tell us we were going to go for a cruise and then we would spend all day exploring the Capitan's or goofing around in Bonito. Then it came  time for me to drive and there was a whole summer that I spent in and around the Capitan Gap every single day with my best friend. Ugh!, it's just very frustrating to me that you can't have a career and live in the country all at the same time, you have to have one or the other and I don't want to sacrifice my kid's childhood.

10 First Trimester Rants

Soon I will be entering the second trimester... here is what I have learned, decided, pretty much the things that I need to vent about concerning the first trimester.


1. I miss my clothes and my boots. Every time I put on the peacock boots that I love so much, my feet immediately swell and I cry inside.

2. I swear after this is said and done I am going to pay more attention to excersize and eating healthy because parts of my body are becoming invisible to me already from certain angles when I sit or stand and that freaks me out. I thought I'd be cool with it but nope... not cool with that.

3. Pregnancy isn't for everyone, especially people who love margaritas.

4. I love margaritas.

5. 2 kids seems like the perfect number for me.

6. Yep, my back still sucks and it seems to remind me more everyday. I use to have my back pain mentally blocked out but it's front and center these days.

7. If one more person has this conversation with me I will punch them: Person: how are you feeling? Me. Tired, grouchy, I want a nap but everything is good. Person: The fatigue will go away, it's ALL WORTH IT! ....Umm yes, I know it's worth it. In September I will be a mother, I've always wanted to be a mother, I don't need you to remind me of that right now. Maybe I like babies and not so much the first trimester of pregnancy. Shit!

8. I do not understand why new baby = mini van. For some reason people keep asking, "So, are you getting rid of your truck and getting a car?" Dude... First of all... crazy back condition, lifting a car seat up into my pickup is easier than bending down to put a baby in a car. I even tested this theory recently with a friend's kid. Second, just no. I love the truck, waited  years for the truck, probably going to drive the truck till the wheels fall off because... well because our president sucks and I give all my money to the government.

9. I think I live in my bathroom more than any other room in my house. Let's be honest, you are either contemplating throwing up or just how bad you need to pee 85% of the time. The rest of the time you're probably in the shower because your skin is suddenly super oily and sweating now happens at all temperatures.

10. I miss food. All I want to eat is fruit and sweets. Red meat tastes like metallic blood and when I see a big nice steak my stomach flips and then flops... and I die inside a little. Also...food just sucks. period. All of these preservatives make me feel worse.

It's all fun & games until someone falls asleep mid sentence

I gave this blog that ^ name because that very thing almost happened to me this weekend... at work... in front of my boss. Yep. Ridiculous.
So... the morning sickness has yet to go away. It's less intense these days but it's still here. In it's place however is fatigue. When I say fatigue I mean grueling, can't think, can't speak, just want to lay down for a couple of years fatigue. How on earth do women do this after they have already had a couple of children? Or even just one? Where on earth do they find the time for a nap or even just to sit down for a couple of moments?
Today I made myself push through the fatigue for awhile, went to class, got some grocery shopping done, put together some freezer crock pot meals, cooked dinner, watched a documentary for school, watched TV with the husband and now here I am. I am super tired, I don't even know why I am writing this. I think it's because I am so tired that I can't sleep. This is probably just a bunch of mindless rambling.
I did however learn one very important lesson today! I know how to save money on groceries now! Wanna know the secret? Ok, I will tell you. The secret is.....DO NOT  take your husband grocery shopping with you. I spent $81.34, prepared and  put 12 crock pot freezer meals in the freezer, 16 homemade breakfast burritos and 16 lunch burritos in the freezer, bought a gallon of milk, cereal, and I still have a bunch more freezer meals to make tomorrow. Amazing! Plus it took me 30 minutes to gather up this stuff at the store. With the husband, a shopping trip could take hours. Husband: I need chips. Me: They aren't on the list, I didn't budget that in. Husband: So? Me: Nope. Should have put them on the list when I said, "Husband is there anything you want on the list?" ... Ten minutes later we are still arguing over chips.
Anyways, I am now so tired that I may fall asleep mid sentence again and I keep having to fix my spelling which means I am not with it. Goodnight all! Love, V and Mini V

My Newest Journey

Hello fellow bloggers, followers, friends, and stalkers. I only add the stalker part because it's been a while since I logged on and when I logged on today I found a few new messages that were a little... weird. Unfortanelty they were not worth anyone's time so I deleted them and now I am forgetting them in 3...2...1.

So, if we are Facebook friends then you have probably read the news....

Yes, it is true, we are expanding. Or at least I am, out of every pair of Cruel Girl and Calvin Klein jeans I own. I'm all Nacho Libre these days in my strettccchy pants. Also, for the record, the hair tie trick is not as dependable as one would think, the term "morning sickness" is ludicrous, (Originally I spelled that like this- Ludacris. Shit. Thanks a heap Pop culture for ruining me.) I am not sure if I am actually resting while I sleep anymore, and no matter how much you love your spouse you dislike him a lot at 3 o'clock in the morning while you are camping out in the bathroom with a bottle of tums praying that you are going to keep down that bottle of water and he is sleeping so peacefully in bed that you can hear him snoring 15 feet away through cinder block walls. I'm just being honest.

Anyways, the point of this blog is to warn you. I have been reading up on all this pregnancy, child raising stuff and so far it's been all butterflies and lolli pops but trust me when I tell you that it's not. Not that I'm not enjoying being pregnant, there are some awesome advantages but Holy Macaroni y'all let's be honest here. So for the next 30 weeks I plan on sharing this journey and I'm not leaving out how I really think or feel or whatever because, I'm an open book like that.

A New Year and a New Outlook on Old

There is something to be said about having a good marriage. Growing up knowing what divorce was like I always took marriage lightly because I always believed that there was an easy way out when things got rocky. Something happens when you become my age though and you begin to realize that divorce is only easy when you have nothing to fight for. Every morning I roll out of bed now knowing that I married my best friend and that is something to appreciate. We don't always agree on everything and being that we are both strong, opinionated people one can only assume that we won't always agree. The difference is that we are always able to come up with a solution together though and knowing that I have a partner that is willing to work on any problem we may face together is an amazing feeling. I take pride in knowing that we can make it through anything because we love each other that much. I guess I never really knew what I was looking for until he suddenly showed up into my life.

The other day we were in the pickup together driving through town and he said, "Wow, I use to go into that store all the time. Now I hardly ever go there." I replied, "You know I did too. When I lived here previously I was there all the time, usually late at night looking for a movie when I was lonely." Then he told me, "Me too. I wonder how many times we could have been in the same place at the same time without even knowing." I started thinking about it, I drove past his church every Sunday when I previously lived here and I frequented a lot of the same places he did. I wonder just how many times I was that close to him without ever knowing. The Lord certainly does work in mysterious ways, but I am sure He was saving that moment until we finally met until we were good and ready. I tell him all the time that all the things I had to go through, the bad relationships, the divorce, all those things taught me lessons that I needed to learn so that I could be a better partner for him. So I no longer look at those things in a regretful manner, instead I see the way I benefited out of each and every situation.

Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I look back and see that there was a period of my life when that definition described the majority of my actions.Then one morning, April 14, 2011, as I was sitting in my living room thinking about my life and the way it had all turned out and preparing myself for yet another back surgery as well as the one year anniversary since my divorce,  I decided that I was going to do things differently. I decided that morning that I was going to get through my back surgery and start working towards bettering myself. That meant, going back to school first and discovering who I was and not what someone else wanted me to be. Obviously that was the best decision I have ever made for myself because now here I am, three semesters away from my degree and happily married to the first guy who ever fell in love with me for who I am. A guy that doesn't put me down for my faults but instead embraces everything about me. It took only a year for me to realize who I was again and to be able to appreciate the person that I was and when that happened, the Lord sent a precious gift to me. For that I am forever grateful for all my struggles and for my rewards.

So many blessings were given to me in 2012. A week ago I wanted nothing more than to start fresh in 2013, but tonight as I was sitting there at work I was thinking back on 2012. In one year I married my best friend, I flew the coop, and started over at NMSU, we welcomed a new baby fuzzy, Tiberius, and I learned how to stand on my own two feet again. I gained new friendships that will last a lifetime and strengthened others. My family is nothing but supportive and all the little bumps in the road we have had over the years have been mended. I was also welcomed into a new loving family that is nothing but wonderful and I am excited to continue getting to know them all better. My husband introduced new hobbies into my life and I have discovered a whole new aspect of faith that I was missing out on before. Yes, there were certainly many blessing bestowed upon me in 2012.

Whoa.. Whoa... Where have I been?

How come no one told me that I hadn't posted on here since August? Sheesh! I thought it was just last week!
So let me tell you, I love my life here. I miss home EVERY SINGLE DAY, but I love my new home too. I love our cute little house, I love being just down the street from school, I even like my job, even though I am not sure how much I like the hours. Also, I love this time in my marriage. Really, even with all the stress that comes with being newlyweds, this first almost six months has been pretty fun. I am married quite the comic and he puts up with me. He puts up with my bad driving ( for the record, I am the good driver here. He freaks out over nothing and he has some road rage going on but I am willing to take one for the team), he puts up with my temper tantrums, and he turns out the light every night so I don't have to get out of bed because I always forget. He is also the one that mows the lawn, cleans the back yard, takes out the trash, and wakes up with the dogs every morning at 6am. (Although he really doesn't have a choice on that last one, Ti is going to wake him up regardless.) As I was saying however, For these things I am grateful!

School is going pretty well, only two more weeks until a month of freedom. :) I am pretty happy that I made the choice to come back here though, this was definitely what was best for my education.