I'm that Mom

This probably sounds strange because I have been a parent for a while now, but tonight I realized I am a Mom. Not just a Mom, but a Mom with separation anxiety. The boy went to spend a few days with his Naw and I had all of these grand plans about the homework I would get done, the lawn I would mow and the house that I would clean but… so far all I have done is stalk my sister’s snapchat to look at pictures of the boy and my Mom’s Facebook. Haven’t started on the homework due tomorrow and if I spend all day tomorrow doing homework chances are that the lawn will not be mowed and the house will not be cleaned. I guess it’s a good thing we were planning on a few days.

This isn’t even the first time we have been a way from each other for more than a day. Although in all honesty this happens every single time. I immediately start to go in to full scale panic mode every time we are apart. You should have seen me on my deer hunting trip this last October. I thought my Papa Bear was going to eventually lose it on me every time I brought up how crazy I was feeling. His response was something along the lines of, “Daughter, it is good for both of you. Do you want him to be a man one day? Or would you like him to be one of those boys who allows his mother to control every part of his life? And you better not choose the second option. I mean it Daughter! Let the boy be a man.” My response was something along the lines of… “But he is 2.” Apparently that is an irrelevant statement.

Even stranger, I now feel like I can understand what Murphy is going through every time I leave the house. You see, no one loves me the way my old coydog does. Every time I get ready to go somewhere, even if it’s just to the store Murph does this crazy pace next to the door while shaking so uncontrollably I’m afraid he is going to have a seizure bit. I can kind of understand his level of intensity. I must look like this every time I am not with my child. Wild eyed, heart pounding, pacing next to the front door. I’m totally kidding by the way. I keep it a little more under control than Murphy does.

 Did I have a life pre-Boogie? If I did, I can’t really remember it. I slightly remember nights standing in my kitchen with mix matched socks on, reading a book propped up on the island, and eating pickles directly out of the jar. (Why did my husband marry me again? I sound like a total catch, huh?) That is about the extent of my pre-Boogie and pre-Baby Daddy days that I can really remember. According to Facebook and the “See Your Memories” option, I had a pretty eventful life pre-family but some times when I look at photos of all of my adventures I can’t help but feel like I am looking at photos that belong to another person. What the hell is going on here?

It’s so strange how becoming a parent defines a person. I am no longer me. I am his mother… with separation anxiety.

Indian Summer

It's Friday night... well technically it is now Saturday morning and I am sitting here, watching VJ Loco and realizing just how un-hip I am these days. It's ok, I have come to terms with it.

So let's talk about this last summer because so many fun things happened.

First of all, SHE came home. The Gypsy is finally in my possession after a whole year of waiting and planning and moving. We have so much work ahead of us but as of right now she's in enough shape that she can be used. I take full advantage of this whenever I can. In fact there are bags sitting right next to my front door because we are off Sunday for vacation and birthday time in the Gypsy. I feel so blessed to have her. In fact, I would just like to say, I am blessed to have family who held on to her for me.

In case you don't know the whole story of the Gypsy let me tell you:
So my Great Grandparents (technically my "step" great grandparents) had the Gypsy and I have been in LOVE with her for quite some time. I've had this vision as long as I can remember of just traveling around, being a little hippie/gypsy, and raising my family out in the wilderness. I blame it primarily on being raised half of the time on the Ranch where we were given free reign to run wild like a bunch of wild indians and also on the weekend adventures my family and I had in the Capitan Mountains. The idea of just being able to do whatever the hell I want or go wherever I want just appeals to me. So, the Gypsy always fit into this vision and I begged and pleaded to be on the call list for the day Grandma and Grandpa decided that it was time to let her go. That day came a little over a year ago when my Mom called and said, "Grandma Mae called this morning. They are ready to sell the Silver Streak and they want X amount. Are you still interested?" and I was all... "Sorry there Mom, gonna have to call you back." Or something like that. Then there was a whole year after I bought her that she just had to sit while we moved around three times and tried to settle. Finally the day came to bring her home and it's been bliss. Well bliss until the day that I got the quote back from the collision center anyways. Sometime in the late 70's she was drug down into a ditch and through a few trees. One side of her looks pretty awesome but the other, not so much and Silver Streak is no longer in business. This means that all of her aluminum will have to be matched and made just for her. So basically I am facing a $10K bill to get her fixed. I know she will be worth it but I have been struggling with the fact that I just want her done RIGHT NOW! I can not even begin to touch the interior until we see what's under the skin. (If you know me and how much I LOVE to paint, you know this is hard for me.) I am giving myself a year to save up everything I need to complete this project because I would love for my great grandparents to see the end result. Wish me luck.

Also this summer......

We spent a lot of time in the mountains because I want Reeves to feel like the mountains are home as much as I do. I'm gonna let you guys in on a little secret, are you ready? Here we go... I am not Roswell's biggest fan. Let me tell you why. So, if you know me or you have been around awhile you know that I have previous ties to Roswell. My ex-husband is from Roswell and I spent our entire marriage trying to not move here. So the fact that I end up here anyways is a little ironic. However, I just do not feel like this is where I belong or where I want my boy to grow up. I just envision him growing up like I did, I want him to experience what I did. I want him to learn to Ski and Snowboard, I want him to be in FFA, I want him to run wild in the mountains, I want him to hunt and fish, I want him to terrorize the hell out of Papa Bear.....

Which he kind of already does and this is so much fun for me. Papa Bear thinks that I am paying for my own raising with this one. Ha, I will just be sending little Boog to him so really he is the loser in this one. #Iwin

This summer has been fun though even though it really ended in August for us when classes started back up. One more semester after this kids. It's so close I can almost touch it!

Oh and one more thing....... In one week I will be the mother of a two year old......

Is this real life? Is this really happening? A two year old boy that calls me Momma? I can't even comprehend. I feel like the universe is playing a joke on me because let's be honest, sometimes I wonder if he is really mine. I can barely remember being pregnant (Which does NOT make me want another), but now I have a two year old. Pshhh.... it's to fast.

Reconsider tradition? Nope. Not here.

Are you ready? I hope so because I am about to speak my mind.

I know it’s been awhile since my last blog post. Then again, when have I ever taken the time to post in a timely or organized fashion? ….. Yeah, never. Recently however I took a Facebook hiatus to do a little soul searching and disconnect from the world. Clearly it was the wrong time to do such a thing because shit went bat shit crazy during that time. So here I am, back again on my blog and Facebook to speak my mind. If you don’t like what I have to say then please, unfriend me and help me weed out the herd.

My post this evening is geared toward Mr. Bruce Jenner and no I will not be referring to him as “Caitlyn” because in my mind, “Caitlyn” does not exist. Let me tell you why I have such a huge problem with “Caitlyn”….

I was born a female with multiple birth defects to sixteen year old parents. I have a condition known as camptodactyly in my left hand, meaning that my left hand besides my index finger and thumb is basically useless. I was also born with a severe case of congenital scoliosis and have had three spinal fusions/hardware placement/hardware removals. I also underwent a C-section after thirty-six long hours of labor to have my baby because of all of this. If that’s not enough, let’s talk about my first pregnancy, that’s right folks, I have had a miscarriage, fibroids, ovarian cyst, and let’s talk about those super fun shots you get when you carry an Rh factor. However, apparently none of the things that I have gone through as a woman or human being compare to what Bruce Jenner had to go through to “become” a woman.  That fool is up there receiving awards, contracts, and money to run around and dress like me? What the…. You are kidding me right?

Let me tell you something… I am not perfect. I have made a lot of huge mistakes in my life. I have been divorced, I have hurt people, I drink, I cuss, and in general I just don’t care what others do but when someone makes my gender or the things I have accomplished as a WOMAN seem trivial I have a huge issue with it and I feel like you should too. I have to ask, what happened to having just a little bit of morals? At what point do people put their foot down and ask, “What the hell happened and how can we fix it?” I feel like we have gone way, way, too far.

I've got a Gypsy Soul

I have been a little bit of everywhere but here lately. In case you followed me on Facebook you may have recently noticed that I deleted my page for awhile. I have not decided whether or not I will be back on but after a lot of contemplating I decided I needed to switch things up. I began noticing that I spend a lot of time on social media and I just felt like disconnecting for awhile. I can still be found on Instagram and Twitter but I just needed to get away from Facebook. Also, I have a really hard time with all of the postings I see about children being kidnapped, or dying, or murdered on Facebook and I just could not stand to look at anymore posts like that. It's kind of funny how I inherited a bleeding heart the first time I laid eyes on my own sweet Baby Love. Now my heart just breaks every time I read about a neglected child. Not these things didn't bother me before but they really do now.

So anyways, this last weekend, Easter weekend I decided to pack up the kiddo and head off to the lake to meet up with my rowdy family. It was so nice to get away for awhile and just do something different. Unfortunately my Sugar Daddy was stuck slaving away at work and man I sure did miss him. My time at the lake was very much needed and appreciated though. I had the opportunity to hang out with some of my favorite great grandparents and my parents. It was a lot like the olden days except the fact that we were missing our sweet Grammy. Missing her is never going to get any easier I am afraid. Cancer is such a bitch, it just never stops taking away.

Anyways, during our trip we first stopped off in Capitan to have lunch with my Maw, Papa, and Nanny. I should have taken some pictures but I didn't. :( I hadn't yet realized that my camera had started working on my iPhone again. Some cute little Baby I know recently slammed my iPhone on the ground so hard that it had stopped working for awhile. After Capitan and one blow out on my parents camper though we finally made it to Grandma Mae and Grumpy Grandpa's house so we could load them up and head to the lake. While there I was able to snap this sweet photo after noticing my camera feature miraculously started working again.... 

Here Baby is examining Grammy's memorial garden at Grandma Mae's. I love everything about this picture. Ugh and man does it make me miss her even more.

I also took a moment to run down the hill and visit my Gypsy Streak. If you have been reading for awhile you know that my husband and I purchased my great grandparents 1966 Silver Streak from them a year ago. I have grand plans to bring my sweet little Glamper back to life and it is a good thing I married such a skilled and amazing contractor to help me with this project because let me tell you, my Silver Gypsy needs a ton of TLC! We are still undecided on whether we want to continue stripping her down completely, changing the floor plans and everything or build off of what can be salvaged. Whatever happens though, I just know she will be a sight to behold one day.

This is one of my favorite features on her! Yes that is in fact a real screen door! So fun.

And look at that butt! I love, love, love the double taillights and storage compartment. Such a retro feel going on. Tonight while doing more research I located a guy who is licenses to replicate her original emblems that were lost during a hail storm.

I feel incredibly lucky to own such a nostalgic piece of history no matter what shape she is in now and I know that I have a lot of dreams and hard work ahead of me to make her into what I want but I am so in love with this thing I do not even care.The first time I ever laid eyes upon her I knew that I had to have her. I am hoping that by next year she will be road and camp worthy because she turns 50 next year. Also, in all of my research I am learning that she is very rare. For every hundred remodeled Airstream I find, I find maybe one Silver Streak.

We finally made it to the lake though and the first morning Dad and I headed up to the river to start putting in trot lines. This was the first time that I have ever gotten to go up and set lines and I have to say, I am really grateful to have parents that have always been teachers. This one here especially has always gone out of his way to teach me something new. I am pretty sure that I could survive in the wild because of all of the things that this guy has taught me throughout my lifetime. It was just really nice to spend time with my Dad. When I am around him I get to be my 10 year old tomboy self again.

Check out some of the monsters that we caught! Mmmmhmmmm! Tasty, tasty, little catfish! I can taste Grandma Mae's Christmas catfish dinner now!

It was also nice to just hang out and drink a few beers with Grumpy Grandpa and Grandma Mae, talk fishing, and Glamper plans. I love these two because at 92 and 85 they are both little firecrackers.

And speaking of little firecrackers... my cute little Man Cub hunted Easter eggs while we there and spent a whole lot of time being spoiled rotten by his Nana. My Mom, the Nana, went a little crazy with this one and trust me, he didn't mind at all.

On the way home Baby and I stopped back in Capitan to visit with Maw, Nanny, Papa, and my aunt Sissy again. I love being home in the mountains and seeing my sweet Baby interact with my family. Baby has a huge love affair going on with anything that flies, planes, helicopters, birds, etc. which works out perfectly because Papa has a collection of flying toys. Every time we are there he gets out a remote controlled helicopter or hover craft and flies them around the house while baby sits and watches. It's so adorable.

On a heavier note, my husband's sweet grandmother passed away today so we will be taking off to the City of Crosses as soon as service plans have been made. My heart hurts for my little family tonight even though we all know she is in such a better place now. Losing grandparents is such a hard thing. If you still have them, make sure you spend every moment you can with them. I know that I would give anything to spend just one more day with the ones that I have lost.

The Return of Fatty McFat Cat

Hello Everybody! I know... once again it has been awhile since I sat down and blogged. Life has been... chaotic lately. We have had it a little rough these last few months and then some but finally we are beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Or at least I hope we are.

In the beginning of January we moved back to good ol' New Mexico and the first thing we did is walk into a flooded rental home. *Sigh* what a way to welcome us back New Mexico! On this same night Baby Daddy went slipping and sliding out the back door and down the back porch steps and broke his ankle, just two days before he was supposed to start his new job. Thankfully he was put on a medical leave so he didn't loose his job but that also meant no real income flowing in. Thankfully we had just enough in savings to get by but that savings was meant to start looking to purchase a place so we are back at square one but hoping and praying we can get back on our feet again soon so we can purchase our first home together and stop all this moving and renting because let's face it, no one wants to hear me whine and moan about moving again any time soo! I am kind of tired of it myself. Baby Daddy had his cast removed yesterday and is now in a walking boot. Hopefully he will be back at work soon, for his sake mainly. Homeskillet was about to drive me crazy with all his stir craziness.

All of this moving has been super hard on my back so this last week I finally sucked it up and we took a trip to ABQ to see my specialist. I was afraid that I was developing symptoms for Flatback syndrome which is something those of us with Harrington rods are at a big risk for but it turns out that I have actually developed a case of radiculopathy which is a big word meaning I have a whole bunch of nerve damage. In order to treat it I am going to start physical therapy and go back to ABQ in May so we can determine whether or not that is helping. If it doesn't then my Dr. wants to start medication or injections. Both of which I am not down with sooo.... pray the PT helps! I have had some of the injections before and did not enjoy them one single bit.

The trip was nice though. It was nice to just get away for a day and be away from everything that has been happening here. Plus some Baby I know got to live it up at Toys R Us, Baby Daddy made a trip to Sportsman's and Charlies and of course, I could not resist a trip to Sephora for the new Tarte Tartelette palette that I have been dying to have! Funny how as soon as you move back into rural America you pick up old habits again. Like saving up all of your shopping for the moment you get to "go to town".

Baby Love is busy teething and talking and has recently started walking more. He is a late bloomer in the walking department. When we lived in Texas he had started learning to walk but one day he had a pretty bad fall on our tile floor which resulted in him deciding that crawling was much easier and safer. I am not sure if I am ready for this though. This walking business is opening a whole new world and more things to climb on that he didn't really notice before. I have a lot of issues lately with him getting so big. Where has the time gone? I feel like it's flying by!

In other news... the chosen one has returned to us!

While Baby, Ti, and I are soooo excited to have him home Daddy is not as excited.

Baby Daddy: WHAT?! Why is your mom bringing the cat?
Me: He's my cat! Why wouldn't she?
Baby Daddy: Because we GAVE him to her.
Me: No we did not!
Baby Daddy: Well I did.

I guess he is a little more accepting this week. I did catch him singing his version of soft kitty to DaBear the other night.

Baby Daddy: Fat Kitty, Round kitty, Little ball of laaarrrdddd.
Me:What are you doing?
Baby Daddy: letting him know how I feel about him.